Maturity is the ability to postpone pleasure

Need a definition of maturity? Today's title is a pretty good one. The person who takes their own lunch to work instead of daily eating out chooses to pass on the Happy Meals in favor of a memorable feast of Filet Mignon. The person that keeps driving their used car just may be able to pay cash for a new ride down the road. You get the idea. Whether it is financial, moral, educational, spiritual or other; the person who postpones temporal pleasure in the short term gives them-self the opportunity to claim the greater and higher pleasures later. Many a senior wishes they had hit the books a bit harder as a freshman. Pay now and play later or play now and pay later. Maturity IS the ability to postpone pleasure.

We all live this side of Genesis 3

Thanks Greg for  recently sharing a profoundly "unobviously-obvious" observation  with me. We all live this side of Genesis 3! Jesus pointed out that "in the beginning it was not so." In the Sermon on the Mount He shared many examples of "you have heard it said, but I say." So what was it like in the beginning? Prior to Genesis 3, and the entrance of sin into the world it was, well, perfect. But you and I (all of us) live on this side of perfection. This side of Genesis 3. To that end Jesus pointed out in his ministry launch hillside sermon that the religious leaders had gone out of their way to tell others how good they were because they did not commit  adultery, murder and more. Jesus, on the other hand, pointed out that everyone is guilty of anger, lust and greed. Ever murdered someone? You need grace. Ever been angry at someone? You need grace.This was more than a higher standard of behavior to strive for, it was a standard that no one can meet putting everyone in need of grace no matter what they have NOT done. So here we are.  In need of grace everyday. Imperfect with no grounds to feel smug or righteous. Able to accept and share the truth of John 3 that we all live on this side of Genesis 3!

If you don't make the right choice, make the choice right

Ever make a mistake? Sure you have. Everyone has. So now what? Well, if you didn't make a right choice, now is the time to make the choice right. You may need to confess, repent, restore, forgive or more. But do so and move on and move forward seeking to make  right anything you did wrong or to move on from wrong things done to you. You cannot change the past, but you can  change the future with new and better choices now. Don't live in the past, but do learn from it.

I+A=T

You can study, observe and even agree with the information and facts of nutrition, fitness and training. You can even go to the gym and watch others apply that information, but until you personally apply those truths in your life, you will never see any transformation in your life. What is true in fitness is true in salvation and spiritual growth, financial management and any other area you want to grow in. Many a man or woman headed to hell agreed with the truths of the Bible, they simply did not act upon them. James said that even the devil acknowledges the facts of scripture. Most companies and individuals that go bankrupt were aware of the truth that income must be greater than out flow. Knowledge is good, but truth simply agreed upon and not acted upon is nothing more than information. Information without application will never bring transformation. Jesus put is this way, "whosoever believes IN Him should not perish." There is an eternity of difference between believing and believing in. Do the math. I+A=T Only information with application will ever bring transformation.

Puppy love is real to the puppy!

Parents often blow off the heart break and emotional ups and downs of adolescent crushes. While overreacting is never smart, neither is under-reacting. While you may have the advantage of years of experience and true love insight, realize that "puppy love" is real to the puppy. Use these young relationships as opportunities for you to demonstrate your love, concern and  open ear to your kids. These are teachable moments about how to deal with honest confrontation, communication and moving on. Show "dog-gone" good judgement in how you react, and they will learn how to not let bad relationships dog them for the rest of their lives.

When they trot out a mouse, look for the elephant!

When people seem to over react to something that seems so small (the mouse) you can almost always assure yourself that they are hiding something much bigger (the elephant).  Don't write off someone's over reaction too quickly as simply being that. It may well be that they either have an all consuming issue that they either don't want to expose yet or they are not sure if they can trust you with it. Hurt people, hurt people and you should always look for the elephant when you see too much drama over a mouse! Your problem is not your problem and it just may be that the issue is not the issue!!

Your problem is not your problem

You usually find that the things that trouble you in others, the problems they seem to have that spill over onto you is really not the problem. Know what I mean? That friend that explodes with anger has a hurt. The one who struggles with addictions, lying and abuse is usually using those things to deal with their real issue. Oh yes, problems and issues are a hassle, but they are usually simply symptoms of the actual root problem. So what can you do? Dig a little deeper. Wait a little longer. Pray a little harder and realize that the problem is not their problem, but a symptom. And if YOU are trying to deal with an issue, get real and get down to your real problem. The goal is not to point fingers or make excuses, but to deal with your past so you do not drag it into your future. You can't change your past, but you can change your future.

Talk to me, not about me!

Confrontation really is the greatest thing you will most likely never do! Out of your fear of thinking you will only make a situation worse by talking to someone, how can you think that talking about them is better? Gossip is anything negative (even if true) you tell others that they have no power to do anything positive about. Confrontation is when you speak the truth in love to someone who can use it to make a positive difference. If you have been guilty of talking about people rather than talking to them, ask yourself how that has worked for you so far. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. Talk to them, not about them and you just  might solve an issue rather than lose a friend!

If they will lie for you, they will lie to you!

If asked to lie for someone your answer should be NO! Why? Because integrity is who you are and not something you turn on and off at will. If a  boss would ask an employee to lie to cover for them, how does that boss know that the same employee would not lie to them?  How does the employee know that the boss would not hesitate to do the same? You both might think the lie is doing you both a favor, but it is not. You are simply creating a culture of dishonesty and therefore saying that in certain circumstances lying is OK. Really? Whose circumstances? Yours, his or who makes the call.  Employee, beware. Friend and family, beware. You are either honest or you're not!

You can't need to be needed

Like the need to be loved, a leader has to make sure that they do no have a need to be needed. It is nice to be needed and we need leaders, but the leader who has to be needed is a leader that cannot and will not delegate to others. It is really a selfish attitude and not servant leadership since it really communicates, "I have to be more needed (more important) than anyone else." Thinking like this will paralyze you from empowering others and will create codependent followers, but not servant leaders and disciples.

You can't love to be loved

If  you have to be loved you cannot lead! Being loved is wonderful and when you can make people happy when you lead them that is icing on the cake, but the person that first and foremost has to be loved will never be in a position to make the tough calls. The hard decisions. He cannot lead. Speak the truth in love, but speak the truth and lead for the good of others and not yourself.

Do you work better under pressure, or do you only work under pressure?

Procrastinators love to brag about how much better they perform when under pressure, but the truth is they really do not know for most of them only perform when under pressure! Many a student that crammed the night before the big test or did a semester term paper in a night walk around in a self induced caffeine stupor convincing themselves they really nailed it that time! If you are one of those, why not prove yourself right or wrong by actually starting something early. Giving thought to it and then rework it some more. After all, there is no good writing. Only good rewriting!

If you want to lead the orchestra you have to turn your back to the crowd

Every audience loves to watch and listen as the orchestra performs. The musicians feed off of the crowd and soloists even play to the crowd, but if you want to conduct the orchestra you have to turn your back to the crowd. It is the conductor who leads the orchestra, but in doing so he/she must not focus on the crowd or the musicians, but rather on the music. Do you want to be a leader? Then you must be aware of the crowd, but you cannot play to them. You must be sensitive to the orchestra, but you have to be able to stand alone. Crowds are everywhere, musicians many, but maestros are few. Can you hear His music?

Truth is always simple, but seldom easy!

Most of the great truths in life are simple, but simple does not mean easy. The fact that life is made up of basic decisions and the management of those decisions is a simple truth, yet making good choices and managing them for your entire life is not easy. Whether you are facing health, financial, spiritual, or relationship issues, look for simple answers, but be ready for the difficult task of implementing them in your life. You cannot spend more than you make, simple truth. Eat well, exercise and do it for the rest of your life;  a simple truth. Do it for the rest of your life; not so easy. Embrace this simple truth; God loves you so much that He takes you where you are, but loves you too much to leave you there!

If you're going to do it, don't gripe!

     This one was handed  to me from my wife, who got it from her mom and of course I passed it on to my kids. I don't know which is more fun, signing up for too much stuff or complaining about   all of it? It is not just our kids that volunteer or sign up for little league, dance, drama and gymnastics only to complain on the way to each about "having" to go. 
     The truth is no one has to over schedule their life, but if you do choose to do so a sure fire truth is no one wants to hear about it. If you have too much on your plate, don't sign up next semester, but for this semester do it with a big ol' smile on your face. It is your plate. If you start it, finish it.  If you hate it, don't sign up again. But please, please, please don't complain about all your extracurricular activities. After all they are EXTRA! In keeping up with all the other families you just might find yourself drifting to the rear of the pack, but that is a pretty good position for watching the rat race. Life is a marathon, not a sprint and mom did say, "Not everyone is doing it. You're not!"

The hurrier I go, the behinder I get!

Guess you heard about the butcher that backed up into the meat grinder and got a little' behind' in his work! Even as I crank out this post I am to be preparing to go on a trip and as usual there are always those last minute details that have to happen, well, last minute. Here is my issue though, when under the gun my first response is not to panic or worry, but to hurry. Sure enough, I then get a little behind in my work. Work smart not hard. Plan ahead but expect the unexpected and when it comes, take your time. An earlier post still rings true. When in a rush, slow down and take your time. Measure twice and cut once is not only true for the carpenter and the butcher, but you and me as well. And that is the meat of this post!

Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.

Anger is driven by a sense of someone owing you something they cannot or will not pay you. It could be money, but   it is more commonly a stolen childhood, innocence, joy, opportunity or relationship. So what do you do when you feel they owe "it"  to you, but you know you will never get "it" back? Forgive "it." Forgive the debt. Mark it paid in full so you can move on. Forgiving others allows you to get on with your life and is something you can do even if the other person never asks for it. Do yourself a favor and set yourself free by canceling the debt that will never be paid. Take it to the bank. It's the reasonable thing to do.

You Don't Have to Sit on an Empty Nest!

As soon as a child is born you begin to raise an adult. You begin the process of taking that totally dependent baby and making him/her a totally independent adult. We should not be surprised, nor saddened, by our children's adventure into adulthood that takes them out of the nest. In fact, that is the goal!  Independent adulthood launched at birth. But take heart empty-nester, you don't have to sit on an empty nest! You may miss those mandatory band festivals, Friday night lights and extended prom photo sessions, but you too can spread your wings and fly as you stop sitting on that empty nest. Date again, travel, eat real food, exercise, serve, find a hobby. Do all those things you wanted to do while you were at those PTA meetings. Now just may be your time to  soar as well.

If you make your children the center of your world, they may grow up thinking they are the center of the universe!

   It is very difficult to dedicate your entire life to your kids and then expect they will grow up to be an adult who will give themselves selflessly to others. If we think people are becoming more and more self-centered we should stop and ask ourselves, "Who put them at the center?"  The little boy who got trophies for simply showing up and the princess girl who slept in her tiara every night, just might have a tough time being tossed together into a selfless marriage later on. The bottom line is that the greatest thing a couple can give their kids is a solid marriage. What every kid really wants are parents that have a strong marriage. If you really want to put your kids first do so by putting your marriage first. In the end your kids will thank you and so will the rest of the universe.

If you have to tell them you're Gregory Peck, you're not!

     Reputation is who folks think you are while character is who you are when no one else is around. There is nothing more frustrating than to see something in the display case window only to find out they don't have it in your size or color. When  people see your life are you more or less than what they see? 
     The story is told that actor Gregory Peck (kids ask your parents who this is) stood at the back of a line awaiting  a table at a fine Hollywood restaurant when some of the folks in line began to recognize him and wondered why he did not cut to the front and make his presence known to the hostess. Upon being questioned Peck simply responded, "If you have to tell them your Gregory Peck, you're not!" Friends, if you have to tell them your spiritual, you're not. Let's make sure we have more in the warehouse than in the showroom.

Please make sure to secure your own mask before assisting others.

     The flight attendant always tells you that in case of a drop in cabin pressure to calmly take the yellow  mask when it drops down in front of you and put your's on first before assisting others. Oh yeah, and breath normal! What makes sense in an emergency makes sense every day. There is nothing wrong with caring for others and we are taught at an early age to live a selfless life, but taking care of yourself is one of the most selfless things you can do. What good are you to those around you if you black out first?
     One of the greatest things a husband can do to care for his wife is to care for his own health while young so as to be around later to care for her. One of the most selfless things a retiree can do is save enough money for themselves so as to not be a burden financially on their kids later.  Put others first by not neglecting yourself.  Don't care for others to the point you have nothing left for them or you.  In the end everyone will have a better flight!

You're Either On the Way or In the Way

     You really cannot stand still in life. You are either moving forward or backward, but there is no standing still. You are either a missionary or a mission field. Each year Christians head to various locations across this globe to boldly live among indigenous people for seven days.  Patiently loving others, doing acts of kindness and using any and all opportunities to share Christ. 
     358 days a year we too often timidly live among our fellow indigenous neighbors, oblivious to daily opportunities to share our faith and too busy to really find time to be kind.  So what gives? Does seven days on mission to total strangers make up for 358 days of non-missional living among those that we know? The Great Commission is real. Jesus left heaven to come to earth and then changed the world by never venturing outside His own country. His life was mission; mission was His life. The Great Commission really is, "As you go therefore."  Go on that mission trip this year and then come home and remember your life is your mission. Are you on the way or in the way?

Your raise will become effective when you are!

People everywhere are wanting more and more for less and less. Whether at work, home, church or school;  folks want to give less, but receive more. It really is true that if you have a job that you would do for free and can get paid for it then you never really work a day in your life. I have a job like that. Not always easy. Never the same two days in a row. And I would not trade it for anything.  The best way to get a promotion is to promote yourself by becoming effective. When your life adds value to others you  marry success and significance into a career, call, mission and passion.  Don't give in to the entitlement mentality. Common sense and work ethic are so rare today that anyone with character, competence and chemistry can float to the top like cream. So start churning out the work!

Don't Shoot the Dog to Kill the Tick

Do you act or react? Neither is wrong, but over reacting is. Too many people lay back and do nothing about issues that they need to deal with, hoping that things will just work out on its own. How is that working for you?  Still others rush in over reacting in a panic and not taking the time to seek wise counsel or to reflect on similar situations from the past. Sort of their own version of a panic attack on the situation.Confrontation is the greatest thing that most folks will never do. The ticks of life must be dealt with, but make sure you take aim and focus your methods only to the extent that you have to in order to deal with the issue properly in love and truth and then leave the  poor dog alone.

Pay Now, Play Later

Maturity is the ability to postpone pleasure. Every infant wants to eat or be changed right this very minute and they will tell you so. There are two paths  people can take. They can either play now and pay later, or pay now and play later. Regardless of the choice, one thing is certain. Life will demand a payment. You can exercise today to extend your health tomorrow. You can save today to spend tomorrow. You can eat at home today rather than hit the drive through and thereby go out for steak down the road. Bottom line is there is no such thing as a “free lunch,”  life is not a gift—it is an investment. The sooner you  take control of your desires and submit them to life’s demands, the more successful you will become.  When we pay later, the price is even greater!

I'm Gonna . . . Never Did!

How many times did I hear my kids tell me they were gonna make their bed or pick up their room only to go into the room hours later and find a mess of good intentions (or not)? Better yet were the 10 minute monologues they gave me as to why they did not have time to do a five minute job! Cause and effect is a lost concept. We reap what we sow, don't sow or never get around to sowing for that matter.  So how are you doing? What were you gonna do that you simply take too much time explaining to yourself and others so as to not get it done? Gonna never did and never will. So, while you're sitting around convincing yourself you don't have time to do what you were gonna do, why not go ahead and check out the rest of the posts on this blog? I know ... you're gonna.

Don't put off until tomorrow what you can put off forever!

If setting boundaries in life creates margin and the greatest things in life happen in the margin of your life, then you don't have to keep carrying items 8, 9 and 10 on your 'To Do' list over to tomorrow! In fact, it just might be that some of those things that keep getting bumped don't need to happen at all or someone else might even do them. Life is about doing the best things not everything. When you get to the end, it really is about God and family and the truth is you are not as important as your constant flow of emails would have you believe. Ask if what you have planned for tomorrow is the next thing, a good thing or the best thing! Procrastination is bad, but setting genuine priorities is great.

If every room stinks, check YOUR shoes!

We have all been there whether you have a dog or not. You walk all around the house wondering why every room stinks only to look down, check your shoes and realize you are tracking "it"around. Yes you. You thought that in going to a new room you would find fresh air, but then you realize it is you dragging the stink around with you. If every job. Every relationship. Every group you seek to connect with "stinks", stop, look down and check your own shoes. It may well be that you are the most common denominator in all of your life situations.  Remember, wherever you go, there you are!

Dance in the Rain

Today my wife gave me a great card for our 32nd anniversary that reads, "Life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain."  I teased her that she could have made a Facebook post that would read, "Happy 32nd anniversary SS! Thanks for 30 wonderful years."  Truth is that anyone  really honest will tell you that not everyday of every year in anyone's life is smooth sailing, married or not! You don't marry the right person, you seek to become the right person and when you do you are able to dance in the rain. I married perfection! Perfect for me.  Happy Anniversary KS!

Hey Grads, You Are Not Special! Not Yet Anyway!!

When we make our kids the center of our world we should not be surprised to discover they grow up thinking they are the center of the universe. This Boston high school commencement speaker tells it like it is and the fact that high school grads are not special. At least not yet! If you want to cheer uncommon common sense feel free to click here for this 12 minute commencement address to end all addresses. And hey grads, feel free to commence seeking to be somebody special.

Never Resign on a Monday

     I don't know what a Monday looks like for you, but for those who work in church it is often the day after the biggest sense of success or failure of their week. It is a day of fatigue and it is usually on the back of emotional drain good or bad. Sundays offer up both praise and criticism for what you have poured yourself into for the sake of others ... therefore never resign on a Monday or you will do so every week! 

     Now you may not work on a church staff, but make sure you never make your biggest life decisions on the back of a huge success, failure or in the midst of fatigue.  Many a church staff member has missed out on the excitement that is thirty years of experience in exchange for two year's experience fifteen times! So hang in there. Weather the storm. Enjoy both the good  days and the bad and never resign on a Monday!!

Push me down and shove me around

If I ran up to you and shoved you to the ground what would you think? What if I told you I saw you were in danger from a truck barreling down on you that you did not see? That might change your mind and you would actually be grateful!  Do you have true friends in your life that when they see situations barreling down on you spiritually, emotionally, relationally or vocationally that they jump into action even if you might misunderstand? I hope you do. A real friend will speak the truth in love to you and tell you what you need to hear and not just what you want to hear.

If You Live Long Enough, You Will Die of Something

The one thing we know everyone will do is die and yet we really hate to talk about it or prepare for it. It is great to eat right and live a healthy lifestyle, but in the end the end comes. Are you prepared? Do you have financial and logistical plans? Do family members know what they are and how to activate them? What about your spiritual situation? When you get to the end you will only worry about your relationship to God and family. How are you doing with those now? Now while you have the time. All of us are terminal, we just don't know how long we have. Make the most of it. Make it count. Invest now in what will matter later.

Not knowing Why does not mean there is no purpose

Like Job of old, we all want to know the why of what we are going through. The truth is that there is always a reason but we may not always know what it is. The lack of an awareness of purpose does not remove the fact there is purpose. Every parent has tired of the insesent "Why?" of a child only to answer simply, "Because." The answer does not satisfy the child, but parents know that often the child is incabable or unwilling to understand what is really in their best interest.  Next time you consider asking, "Why", simply ask yourself, "Why not?"

You Have to Give Up to Go Up!

Leaders really have fewer choices, not more. The wide way is not open to leaders as they have to do what others are not willing or able to do. To go up the ladder of leadership you will have to be willing to give up the things that others cannot or will not give up to lead.

Completely understanding a truth of God does not mean you completely understand God.

Job had friends, but while  they spoke truth, it was not truth for his situation. Beware  when you feel the need to apply a biblical truth to a life that it is being applied to the same situation as where you found the truth in scripture. It is called context. A truth taken out of context and applied out of context is not longer truth. Study to show yourself approved rightly dividing the word of truth. Then you wont be ashamed.

What are you becoming?

My son raised a great question when he asked himself, "Am I becoming the kind of man that the kind of woman I want to meet wants to meet?" The truth is you are becoming what you are and you must choose now to be the kind of person you want to become later. It is called discipline. Success comes daily, not in a day so you must decide now if you are willing to say yes and no to the best things to be the kind of person the kind of person you want in your life wants in their life.  The good news is you can change. The bad news is that most folks do not. Make sure you not only date the kind of folks that you want to marry one day, but that you are also the kind of person you would want to marry. Think about it.